There is a strange dichotomy that holds quite a firm, regular spot in my cyclical life. Sometimes I'm really scared of trying the things that I know are going to make me feel good. Or maybe I'm scared of feeling good. Either way, once the fear is over and I'm through and I am doing the thing I was scared of...I always feel better.
Perhaps it is a horribly redundant sentiment, the self indulgent notion that these things 'actually work', but after many years of noticing this phenomenon, the paradoxical nature of it still bemuses me. The things I'm referring to are those which also are the root of my songwriting, storytelling, creative flow. In short, I'm often scared to listen to music.
I'm sure everyone probably has those albums they steer clear of unless they have the time and space and privacy to bawl for 45 minutes, but for me this can sometimes extend to putting on the radio. I've questioned the reasoning behind this emotional response so many times over the years, maybe it's the fear of being caught off guard and thrust into the highly emotional place that music often creates. Maybe it's more about the push and pull dilemma between working on my ‘craft’ and just creating (something I have many thoughts on- certainly a post for another time).
For now I have decided to use this mantra as my phone background to hopefully remind me to throw myself in as often as I can. Create a positive habit so that the emotion doesn't pop up with such force every time. Let's see.
I'm intrigued as to whether other musicians experience the same thing. Please tell me if you do, I think it would make for an interesting conversation.
B x